It’s time to reflect yet again on my current situation. The fact is that every day I miss home. This hasn’t lightened up much, especially on slow days when there isn’t much to do except get in trouble with drill sergeants. I keep trying to remember what it’s like to change cultures, even drastically. Nothing really compares to this “culture shock,” so it’s difficult to adapt. And then I wonder if I should adapt at all. Should I get used to keeping up with these incredible details and disciplines? Rolled socks. Eating in under five minutes. 45 degree folds on bed corners. Marching in 18” steps.
So, most days I stand in formation wanting so badly to live how I want. Because of this, I made a mistake: I made a calendar in my pocket “waterproof” notebook. I’ve made two “x’s” on it, representing the passing of today and yesterday. Then I look at the rest of May, June, July, and finally, August. Shit. *sigh* And then I close the notebook. 99 days left until graduation.
Though it makes me miserable, I want to miss home. Weird, huh? I want to miss it because I’m scared I might forget it and become a mindless, well-machined robot. When it comes to combat, life or death situations, I don’t mind this training. Kill or be killed. I don’t even want to think about it. But when I meet a person, I don’t want to look for their rank so I can know how to greet them. (For us “official” sociologists, this is called institutionalization.) At this point, I wonder what it’s like to walk somewhere without marching. Seriously. If I want to talk to someone older than me, will I have the sudden urge to come to attention and state, “Sir, Private Smith requests permission to speak.”
Yeah, okay, it’s kinda funny. But this place does get you with all of the details and structure. This is especially useful to others in my company who are on active duty. Some have already received their orders for deployment in September, less than one month after graduation! I just hope the drill sergeants are as detailed in training us in safety and combat as they are in drills and greetings.
On Friday, the 5th of May, I qualify with the M16. I’m nervous because I want that Expert badge so badly. I need to hit at least 36 of 40 targets to make it. There will be multiple targets up at the same time ranging from 50 meters to 300 meters. The 50 meter targets only stay up for 3 seconds. It goes quick.
On Saturday, we’ll be doing combatives, or hand-to-hand combat. It’s basically a free for all using only your hands. We’ll learn submission and takedown techniques. So basically, if I don’t qualify as Expert on Friday, you’ll want to be praying for whoever I’m practicing combatives with on Friday.
Stay tuned. More to come.
Benjamin
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