Today was the first day we shot live rounds through our M16. Over the next week or so we will be going to the range every day to prepare for our qualifications.
We were at the range for a total of 10 hours. Throughout the entire day I shot a total of 9 bullets. Hurry up and wait was the mantra of the day.
Actually, I'm somewhat proud that I only shot 9 rounds. Today we had to prove we knew how to group our shots in the same area on the target. We had to fit a certain percentage of our shots (I forget the ratio) inside a 2 inch diameter circle 25 meters away. My first nine shots were within 2 inches of each other, so I qualified. I then proceeded to do nothing, military style (i.e. stand at attention, read, or watch others shoot).
Sleep is still pretty scarce. Once again, I have fireguard every night this week. Every morning I get up and clean (along with 3 other guys) between 0200 and 0315. Except this time our drill sergeant made our uniform slightly different. We have to wear our LBV's (Load Bearing Vests) and Kevlar helmets while we clean. So, picture 4 guys wearing gray Army sweats and sweatshirts, a camo vest with big pockets and a large Kevlar helmet and chin strap with digital desert camo covering it all. And why? Because they can. Our bays (barracks) are getting inspected this week, so she wanted a good cleaning crew.
And finally, I was "elected" bay leader this past week. The Bay Leader is in charge of everything and everyone in side the barracks. Our last leader was a wannabe drill sergeant, so he didn't do well (especially since he's actually a private). During a platoon training session, the drill sergeant "asked" about how unorganized all of us were. A few people spoke and complained about the bay leader simply ordering everyone around. Then, one person specifically said (his name is Lee) that he thought he knew of someone who would make a great bay leader. DS (drill sergeant) Harris said, "Really? Who?" and Lee said my name.
Here's the funny part: I've managed to lay low the entire time. My drill sergeants barely know my face, let alone my name. So, my heart dropped when she (DS Harris) asked me to step forward.
She asked how many hours of sleep I need per night (mind you, this is in front of the entire platoon) and I replied with "5 hours". Haha. That's funny, huh? Stupid.
Anyways, instantly the previous bay leader says "Non drill sergeant. I'll do what needs to be done." Anyone see why we needed a new bay leader yet? So, he was fired, I was hired.
I've yet to get 4 hours of sleep in one night since. I have many more duties. Thanks, Lee. Anyways, more later.
Benjamin
Sunday, April 30, 2006
FRIDAY, APRIL 21st
Well, I've been much busier these past few days. For the past three days I've been on a field training exercise. Every day we have been in the field (the middle of the woods) doing training. So far, I've learned how to make a tent out of a poncho and a rope; how to navigate using a compass and a military map; how to navigate 10 people at night without use of light or noise; how to search an enemy for weapons (not your everyday friendly police pat-down); how to set up and adjust a perimeter; how to engage unknown persons who approach your perimeter; how to respond and engage ambushes that are both close and far away; how to respond to indirect fire (artillery or mortar rounds); how to safely search and recover dead bodies (bombs are often hidden under dead bodies); and how to effectively remove a tick from my armpit.
So, it sounds fun when I put it on paper, but it's serious work and hard training (not the tick part, but...)
Also, our company has officially transferred to white phase. I believe I explained this earlier, but it's basically the second of three phases in our Basic Training. We have a few more privileges, like not having to march everywhere we go. For example, we are now free to run straight back to the barracks from the chow hall instead of marching back. Yippee skip.
Actually, a great privilege is being able to sing cadence. Cadence is songs you sing in rhythm while you march. So, instead of listening to the drill sergeant say "left, left, left right left," we get to say "I used to date a beauty queen, but now I hold an M16." Marching is more enjoyable now.
Anyways, the more I write the less sleep I'll get.
Benjamin
So, it sounds fun when I put it on paper, but it's serious work and hard training (not the tick part, but...)
Also, our company has officially transferred to white phase. I believe I explained this earlier, but it's basically the second of three phases in our Basic Training. We have a few more privileges, like not having to march everywhere we go. For example, we are now free to run straight back to the barracks from the chow hall instead of marching back. Yippee skip.
Actually, a great privilege is being able to sing cadence. Cadence is songs you sing in rhythm while you march. So, instead of listening to the drill sergeant say "left, left, left right left," we get to say "I used to date a beauty queen, but now I hold an M16." Marching is more enjoyable now.
Anyways, the more I write the less sleep I'll get.
Benjamin
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
SUNDAY, APRIL 16th
Well, today was absolutely exhausting. So, not much is new! We marched a good 3 miles today with all of our gear. It doesn't sound like much, but it is. We marched to a classroom where we learned how to operate Army radios that were made during World War II. Actually, I don't really know when they were made, but you get the point. After four hours of that, we marched back, ate lunch, and did PT for an hour.
Then came the fun part: we got to fight each other with pugils today. We gear up with a football helmet, thin shoulder pads, kidney pads, an external crotch cup, hockey gloves, and a pugil. The fights were the most entertaining events I've seen since I've been here. The fights only last about one minute, because both fighters are pretty much exhausted after 30 seconds.
Everyone took their aggression on their fellow soldiers. I clobbered my guy. It was great. I feel better now. :)
By the way, pugils are an extension of bayonet training. They are rubbery/foam "clubs" that are the same length and weight as an M16 rifle with a fixed bayonet. So basically, we practiced bayonet fighting on each other.
Anyway, in the middle of that we got smoked. Oh, and I almost forgot. We had a PT assessment today. I did 33 push-ups in one minute, 39 situps in one minute, and I ran a mile in 7:39. So, I'm steadily improving. We just get smoked again before bedtime, so I'm beat.
Goodnight,
Benjamin
Then came the fun part: we got to fight each other with pugils today. We gear up with a football helmet, thin shoulder pads, kidney pads, an external crotch cup, hockey gloves, and a pugil. The fights were the most entertaining events I've seen since I've been here. The fights only last about one minute, because both fighters are pretty much exhausted after 30 seconds.
Everyone took their aggression on their fellow soldiers. I clobbered my guy. It was great. I feel better now. :)
By the way, pugils are an extension of bayonet training. They are rubbery/foam "clubs" that are the same length and weight as an M16 rifle with a fixed bayonet. So basically, we practiced bayonet fighting on each other.
Anyway, in the middle of that we got smoked. Oh, and I almost forgot. We had a PT assessment today. I did 33 push-ups in one minute, 39 situps in one minute, and I ran a mile in 7:39. So, I'm steadily improving. We just get smoked again before bedtime, so I'm beat.
Goodnight,
Benjamin
SATURDAY, APRIL 15th
Wow. It's been a busy week. On Tuesday, April 11th, we had bayonet training. That was pretty fun, but exhausting. The M16 only weighs about 8-9 pounds with the bayonet. But after stabbing, slashing, and blocking with it, everyone was pretty exhausted.
We also ran our first obstacle course on Tuesday. We "fixed bayonets" and charged in pairs through a half-mile course laced with barriers, logs, trenches, and trenches with enemy soldiers (dummies) we had to "dispatch." The grand finale was running up the last hill, crawling under barbed wire and up and over the last trench, all the while machine guns (blanks) were firing around us. I about collapsed when I reached the end. Oh, and we had to yell our "war cry" while running the entire course. And every move we made with our bayonet, whether it be a slash, stab, or blunt, we accented with a loud "KILL!"
From the way I make it sound, it like an adventurous summer camp. But the scary thing is that this is for real. That thoughts occurred to me when I was "dispatching" one of our dummies. I am becoming a trained killer. In fact, by the end of this training, I'll be able to kill people in a variety of different ways. I can even make a bomb out of an MRE (google it if you don't know what it is).
Anyway, on another note, yesterday we went to NBC (Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical) weapons training. We were issued full body gear, complete with gas mask, rubber boots, gloves, etc. The suit is nearly airtight when complete. We need to be able to unpack and seal the mask to our faces in 9 seconds. We also need to be able to completely seal our full body suit in 8 minutes. We were tested on our skills in the "NBC chamber" yesterday. Yes, it's the gas chamber.
We had to enter a sealed room (10 at a time), unseal our masks, and inhale CS gas. CS gas is the "riot control" gas and they gave us a healthy dose in that sealed room. We then had to reseal our masks and clear our masks so we could breathe again. That was very, very hard and scary to do. The first inhale isn't bad, it was like inhaling the scent of strong peppers. But, it made you cough, and once you coughed, you cleared your lungs and had to take another breath. That next breath brought everyone in the gas chamber to their knees. Some puked, some got bloody noses, the rest had drool, snot, and tears everywhere.
We practiced clearing our masks for a couple of minutes. Then the "operator" of the gas chamber, who was directing us via loudspeaker, told us to turn and face the door so we could leave. I was so ready. But then, over the loudspeaker, our drill sergeant said, "Hello 2nd Platoon." Everyone froze and almost panicked. She ordered us to remove our masks completely and hold them above our heads.
After that, I don't remember much. She said something about us being late to formation and coming back to the gas chamber as punishment. I don't know, I found it hard to pay attention. At all times we had to hold on to each other so we knew how to get out. The guy behind me grabbed my dog tags, essentially making it even harder for me to breathe.
But that wasn't the end. After she got done, she made us sing a song. And, of course, we weren't loud enough the first two times we sang it. By this time, I could barely breathe. I was starting to panic and my eyes were burning shut. She ordered us to once again raise our masks above our heads, since, for some odd reason, some people had dropped their masks; and she told us to leave.
We practically dragged each other out of that room. I took a few minutes for me to be able to open my eyes. Seriously, while I was in the chamber, I was so scared I was going to die. You can't inhale because your throat swells up and burns, your eyes close and burn (you can't wear contacts in SC gas because they will fuse to your eyeballs), your sinuses start creating mucus by the gallons but you can't swallow, and any exposed skin you have burns like you're pouring hot water on it.
There were about 30 people who couldn't do it. They busted out of the gas chamber. But guess what the drill sergeant did...they dragged them back in. Some people went through 3 times before they completed the training.
Anyway, that's enough about that. I'll write more details later. Goodnight all.
Benjamin
We also ran our first obstacle course on Tuesday. We "fixed bayonets" and charged in pairs through a half-mile course laced with barriers, logs, trenches, and trenches with enemy soldiers (dummies) we had to "dispatch." The grand finale was running up the last hill, crawling under barbed wire and up and over the last trench, all the while machine guns (blanks) were firing around us. I about collapsed when I reached the end. Oh, and we had to yell our "war cry" while running the entire course. And every move we made with our bayonet, whether it be a slash, stab, or blunt, we accented with a loud "KILL!"
From the way I make it sound, it like an adventurous summer camp. But the scary thing is that this is for real. That thoughts occurred to me when I was "dispatching" one of our dummies. I am becoming a trained killer. In fact, by the end of this training, I'll be able to kill people in a variety of different ways. I can even make a bomb out of an MRE (google it if you don't know what it is).
Anyway, on another note, yesterday we went to NBC (Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical) weapons training. We were issued full body gear, complete with gas mask, rubber boots, gloves, etc. The suit is nearly airtight when complete. We need to be able to unpack and seal the mask to our faces in 9 seconds. We also need to be able to completely seal our full body suit in 8 minutes. We were tested on our skills in the "NBC chamber" yesterday. Yes, it's the gas chamber.
We had to enter a sealed room (10 at a time), unseal our masks, and inhale CS gas. CS gas is the "riot control" gas and they gave us a healthy dose in that sealed room. We then had to reseal our masks and clear our masks so we could breathe again. That was very, very hard and scary to do. The first inhale isn't bad, it was like inhaling the scent of strong peppers. But, it made you cough, and once you coughed, you cleared your lungs and had to take another breath. That next breath brought everyone in the gas chamber to their knees. Some puked, some got bloody noses, the rest had drool, snot, and tears everywhere.
We practiced clearing our masks for a couple of minutes. Then the "operator" of the gas chamber, who was directing us via loudspeaker, told us to turn and face the door so we could leave. I was so ready. But then, over the loudspeaker, our drill sergeant said, "Hello 2nd Platoon." Everyone froze and almost panicked. She ordered us to remove our masks completely and hold them above our heads.
After that, I don't remember much. She said something about us being late to formation and coming back to the gas chamber as punishment. I don't know, I found it hard to pay attention. At all times we had to hold on to each other so we knew how to get out. The guy behind me grabbed my dog tags, essentially making it even harder for me to breathe.
But that wasn't the end. After she got done, she made us sing a song. And, of course, we weren't loud enough the first two times we sang it. By this time, I could barely breathe. I was starting to panic and my eyes were burning shut. She ordered us to once again raise our masks above our heads, since, for some odd reason, some people had dropped their masks; and she told us to leave.
We practically dragged each other out of that room. I took a few minutes for me to be able to open my eyes. Seriously, while I was in the chamber, I was so scared I was going to die. You can't inhale because your throat swells up and burns, your eyes close and burn (you can't wear contacts in SC gas because they will fuse to your eyeballs), your sinuses start creating mucus by the gallons but you can't swallow, and any exposed skin you have burns like you're pouring hot water on it.
There were about 30 people who couldn't do it. They busted out of the gas chamber. But guess what the drill sergeant did...they dragged them back in. Some people went through 3 times before they completed the training.
Anyway, that's enough about that. I'll write more details later. Goodnight all.
Benjamin
MONDAY, APRIL 10th
I came extremely close to quitting today. My motivation is pretty much non-existent. I don't know if six years of my life is worth living a military lifestyle. I know the first few weeks of training are not the best sample, but who knows?
They are constantly pushing us to be more motivated here, but everything they do takes motivation from us. If one person gets anything wrong (i.e. forgets some random, worthless piece of equipment), we all get punished for it. And I'm not talking about some light PT. They hold our mail. They take away our "free time" and give us 5 minutes to get upstairs (3rd floor) pack everything up, shower, and get into bed. I'm legally required to shower every day. I haven't showered in 3 days.
Anyway, (*sigh*), I'm going to turn my red flashlight off and go to sleep. Good night all, I sure do miss San Diego.
Benjamin
They are constantly pushing us to be more motivated here, but everything they do takes motivation from us. If one person gets anything wrong (i.e. forgets some random, worthless piece of equipment), we all get punished for it. And I'm not talking about some light PT. They hold our mail. They take away our "free time" and give us 5 minutes to get upstairs (3rd floor) pack everything up, shower, and get into bed. I'm legally required to shower every day. I haven't showered in 3 days.
Anyway, (*sigh*), I'm going to turn my red flashlight off and go to sleep. Good night all, I sure do miss San Diego.
Benjamin
SUNDAY, APRIL 9th
Today is Sunday and is considered one of our "days off." By "day off" they mean we have an opportunity to catch up on all of the cleaning. And just to clear things up, we scrub floors with green scratch pads, not toothbrushes. Although, I think my Sonicare Elite could do a killer job on these floors.
Last Friday night someone in our barracks tried to commit suicide. He tried to hang himself using his pistol belt. The pistol belt is about 2" wide, so hanging yourself with is virtually impossible. It was more of a cry for help than a suicide attempt. He has been trying to quit training, but the drill sergeant won't let him because she doesn't want any more people to quit.
Nevertheless, Myers (the attempted suicider) now has to be watched 24/7. So during the day he has 3 "battle buddies" or guards and throughout the night we have one guard posted that changes over every hour. Plus, fire guard (night shifts) have doubled. This means that there are 4 people cleaning our barracks and one watching Myers every night. These people rotate every hour. Anyway, all of this is to say that everyone will be getting much less sleep.
On a brighter note, I received mail yesterday. My parents wrote me and sent me some stamps. My sister also wrote and told me more about my grandpa's funeral. I've read both letters probably about 10 times each. It is really encouraging to be reminded of the outside world. Motivation is hard to come by here. I don't have access to anything. No news. No idea what's going on in the world. No personal events in friends or family's lives. Not even the weather report.
So, this week should be somewhat eventful. On Tuesday we start bayonet training. I'm not sure if we get to use pugil sticks yet (google them if you don't know what they are) but if should be fun. On Thursday we go to the gas chamber, so we get to experience the effects of chemical warfare without a gas mask. I'm rather looking forward to it because I've had a pretty bad cold for the past few days and I wouldn't mind my nostrils finally being cleared out.
Mom, Dad, and Jamie, thank you for the letters. I really appreciated them. I have about two more weeks of "Red phase," which is supposed to be the burn-in or Hell weeks of Basic. After this we go to "White phase," which means we get a few more privileges. Anyway, I've got to go. Thanks again for the letters.
Benjamin
Last Friday night someone in our barracks tried to commit suicide. He tried to hang himself using his pistol belt. The pistol belt is about 2" wide, so hanging yourself with is virtually impossible. It was more of a cry for help than a suicide attempt. He has been trying to quit training, but the drill sergeant won't let him because she doesn't want any more people to quit.
Nevertheless, Myers (the attempted suicider) now has to be watched 24/7. So during the day he has 3 "battle buddies" or guards and throughout the night we have one guard posted that changes over every hour. Plus, fire guard (night shifts) have doubled. This means that there are 4 people cleaning our barracks and one watching Myers every night. These people rotate every hour. Anyway, all of this is to say that everyone will be getting much less sleep.
On a brighter note, I received mail yesterday. My parents wrote me and sent me some stamps. My sister also wrote and told me more about my grandpa's funeral. I've read both letters probably about 10 times each. It is really encouraging to be reminded of the outside world. Motivation is hard to come by here. I don't have access to anything. No news. No idea what's going on in the world. No personal events in friends or family's lives. Not even the weather report.
So, this week should be somewhat eventful. On Tuesday we start bayonet training. I'm not sure if we get to use pugil sticks yet (google them if you don't know what they are) but if should be fun. On Thursday we go to the gas chamber, so we get to experience the effects of chemical warfare without a gas mask. I'm rather looking forward to it because I've had a pretty bad cold for the past few days and I wouldn't mind my nostrils finally being cleared out.
Mom, Dad, and Jamie, thank you for the letters. I really appreciated them. I have about two more weeks of "Red phase," which is supposed to be the burn-in or Hell weeks of Basic. After this we go to "White phase," which means we get a few more privileges. Anyway, I've got to go. Thanks again for the letters.
Benjamin
THURSDAY, APRIL 6th
Terrence,
Looks like somebody has some typing to do... :)
I hope doing this isn't too much of a burden T, by "this" I mean posting these letters of my blog. I really appreciate it.
Also, I'd like to hear from you and some others. Here's some instructions for sending me mail: My address is
SPC Smith, Benjamin K
E-787-2
Fort Leonard Wood, MO 65437
On the front of the envelope (if it's an envelope) on the flap part, there needs to be a number 2 circled, like this: [a "2" with a circle around it]
Today is actually the end of my first week. This environment is crazy bro. It is absolutely unbelievable what they have set up here. I wish I could tell you more, but I have no time to write!!
I'm missing San Diego a lot, and I think about quitting every day. It is really hard to live like this. I'd appreciate it if you could write and let me know how things are going. I miss that a lot. I hope all is well.
Benjamin
Looks like somebody has some typing to do... :)
I hope doing this isn't too much of a burden T, by "this" I mean posting these letters of my blog. I really appreciate it.
Also, I'd like to hear from you and some others. Here's some instructions for sending me mail: My address is
SPC Smith, Benjamin K
E-787-2
Fort Leonard Wood, MO 65437
On the front of the envelope (if it's an envelope) on the flap part, there needs to be a number 2 circled, like this: [a "2" with a circle around it]
Today is actually the end of my first week. This environment is crazy bro. It is absolutely unbelievable what they have set up here. I wish I could tell you more, but I have no time to write!!
I'm missing San Diego a lot, and I think about quitting every day. It is really hard to live like this. I'd appreciate it if you could write and let me know how things are going. I miss that a lot. I hope all is well.
Benjamin
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5th
Wow. It's only been a few days since I've written, but it seems like it's been a month. Unfortunately, not much has changed on my end. I hope everyone else is doing well. It's funny how much you miss hearing about how everyone else is doing.
A few things have changed, but not really for the better. My grandfather passed away last week and his funeral was on Sunday. I knew it would happen while I was gone, and I thought I might be able to fly out for the funeral, but that was a no go.
For now, I'm just trying not to think about it. Sometimes I'll just randomly wan to cry while I'm here. I'm not sure if it's my grandfather's death or my drill sergeants whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
My drill sergeants are unbelievable. Seriously, I don't know how a human being can behave like drill sergeants. In this total control environment, they are in total control. They are cold as ice. They insult, demean, mock, set us up to fail and scream at us when we do. They demand we conform to details without ever informing us of what those details are.
The good news? I'm already in better shape. I'll probably do 100 pushups a day and run maybe 1/2 mile throughout the day. We typically march wherever we go. Though this morning we ran 1 1/2 miles to start off the day. By the way, when I say "we" I mean my platoon and I. My platoon is made up of about 50 - 60 guys and 15 - 20 girls.
I'm actually really short on sleep right now. This past Sunday I worked a fire guard shift. Fire guard basically consists of you getting up in the middle of the night to clean and "guard" the barracks. My shift on Sunday was from 2:00am - 3:15am and my job was to clean the floors in the barracks. Well, unfortunately the shift after us (two people per shift) "reswept" the floors. The drill sergeant came in at 0430 to wake us up and lo and behold the floors were dirty.
So, every night until next Sunday I have fire guard shift (as does everyone who did that night) from 0200 - 0315. Since I get to bed around 2200 (10pm) and get up shortly after my shift, I'm averaging about 4 hours of sleep per day. I have never slept that little in my entire life, so it makes my days seem very, very long.
Anyway, that's how things are going. I hope everyone's doing well and that I'll be able to get in touch with you soon.
Benjamin
A few things have changed, but not really for the better. My grandfather passed away last week and his funeral was on Sunday. I knew it would happen while I was gone, and I thought I might be able to fly out for the funeral, but that was a no go.
For now, I'm just trying not to think about it. Sometimes I'll just randomly wan to cry while I'm here. I'm not sure if it's my grandfather's death or my drill sergeants whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
My drill sergeants are unbelievable. Seriously, I don't know how a human being can behave like drill sergeants. In this total control environment, they are in total control. They are cold as ice. They insult, demean, mock, set us up to fail and scream at us when we do. They demand we conform to details without ever informing us of what those details are.
The good news? I'm already in better shape. I'll probably do 100 pushups a day and run maybe 1/2 mile throughout the day. We typically march wherever we go. Though this morning we ran 1 1/2 miles to start off the day. By the way, when I say "we" I mean my platoon and I. My platoon is made up of about 50 - 60 guys and 15 - 20 girls.
I'm actually really short on sleep right now. This past Sunday I worked a fire guard shift. Fire guard basically consists of you getting up in the middle of the night to clean and "guard" the barracks. My shift on Sunday was from 2:00am - 3:15am and my job was to clean the floors in the barracks. Well, unfortunately the shift after us (two people per shift) "reswept" the floors. The drill sergeant came in at 0430 to wake us up and lo and behold the floors were dirty.
So, every night until next Sunday I have fire guard shift (as does everyone who did that night) from 0200 - 0315. Since I get to bed around 2200 (10pm) and get up shortly after my shift, I'm averaging about 4 hours of sleep per day. I have never slept that little in my entire life, so it makes my days seem very, very long.
Anyway, that's how things are going. I hope everyone's doing well and that I'll be able to get in touch with you soon.
Benjamin
SUNDAY, APRIL 2nd
Day 3
Well, I knew it would come, but I didn't know it would come so early: I want to quit. There are no words to describe how hard each day is. There are too many details and not enough time to write them all down. It's difficult to even write about it.
First, let me correct my previous letters. I am not in Basic Training. I am in a program called On Site Unit Training or OSUT. This OSUT is specifically designed to train military police from the ground up. Now, before you get all excited for me, let me tell you what has happened.
We left reception with 73 future MPs. Eight males have already quit, one on the first day or "Day 0." Two males have passed out resulting in a medical discharge. One of them dropped his head on concrete because he couldn't hold himself up in the push-up position any longer. He fell right next to me and cracked his head open One other male had a seizure after our PT assessment, which of course, means discharge.
Remember in the movies when they show Army "chow" times in a cafeteria setting? That's true, frustratingly so. We have four minutes to eat, and that's if you're at the beginning of the line. Once you sit down, you must drink a full glass of water before you touch your food. The last 30 seconds of your meal, you must drink another beverage, usually Gatorade. How much time do you actually have to eat a full meal? About 1 1/2 minutes.
Alright, so maybe I'm exaggerating. But no, I'm not. This is a total control environment.
Showers. I timed my shower today. 36 seconds. All of the males in our platoon (about 60) walk at a constant speed through eight shower heads, soaping and rinsing as we go. That's the shower drill.
Anyway, enough whining. I'll write more about all of this crap later.
Today, I personally had a pretty hard day because my grandfather's funeral was today. During Reception I got to call home for eight minutes during which I learned that my grandpa had died. His funeral was today and that was all I could really think about. There really isn't any personal space here, so mourning isn't really an option yet.
Every day, multiple times a day, I questions why I'm here and want to quit. Why do I want to submit myself to getting cussed at, screamed at, and insulted for asking for permission to speak in the incorrect position? This just doesn't feel right for me. I haven't had much time to process it all either.
I should have a mailing address soon. Tomorrow I have a three mile hike with a rucksack. I'll let you know how it goes, maybe in person after I quit! :)
Sulking and nursing my wits,
Benjamin.
Well, I knew it would come, but I didn't know it would come so early: I want to quit. There are no words to describe how hard each day is. There are too many details and not enough time to write them all down. It's difficult to even write about it.
First, let me correct my previous letters. I am not in Basic Training. I am in a program called On Site Unit Training or OSUT. This OSUT is specifically designed to train military police from the ground up. Now, before you get all excited for me, let me tell you what has happened.
We left reception with 73 future MPs. Eight males have already quit, one on the first day or "Day 0." Two males have passed out resulting in a medical discharge. One of them dropped his head on concrete because he couldn't hold himself up in the push-up position any longer. He fell right next to me and cracked his head open One other male had a seizure after our PT assessment, which of course, means discharge.
Remember in the movies when they show Army "chow" times in a cafeteria setting? That's true, frustratingly so. We have four minutes to eat, and that's if you're at the beginning of the line. Once you sit down, you must drink a full glass of water before you touch your food. The last 30 seconds of your meal, you must drink another beverage, usually Gatorade. How much time do you actually have to eat a full meal? About 1 1/2 minutes.
Alright, so maybe I'm exaggerating. But no, I'm not. This is a total control environment.
Showers. I timed my shower today. 36 seconds. All of the males in our platoon (about 60) walk at a constant speed through eight shower heads, soaping and rinsing as we go. That's the shower drill.
Anyway, enough whining. I'll write more about all of this crap later.
Today, I personally had a pretty hard day because my grandfather's funeral was today. During Reception I got to call home for eight minutes during which I learned that my grandpa had died. His funeral was today and that was all I could really think about. There really isn't any personal space here, so mourning isn't really an option yet.
Every day, multiple times a day, I questions why I'm here and want to quit. Why do I want to submit myself to getting cussed at, screamed at, and insulted for asking for permission to speak in the incorrect position? This just doesn't feel right for me. I haven't had much time to process it all either.
I should have a mailing address soon. Tomorrow I have a three mile hike with a rucksack. I'll let you know how it goes, maybe in person after I quit! :)
Sulking and nursing my wits,
Benjamin.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 29th
Right now I'm on "fire guard" duty for our barracks, which means I have a one-hour shift in the middle of the night to sit around and hope for a fire so I don't fall asleep! The ol' CSO days are coming back to me now.
Night/Bed time is usually my time to journal. So, at about the time my body wants to sleep, my mind relaxes enough to reflect on prior events. For example, here is a glossary of terms I've learned since I've been here:
PT, proper noun: Physical Training. i.e. push-ups, sit-ups, running, etc.
Smoked, verb: The state of being so physically exhausted from doing PT that your body "smokes" with steam. Common usage: "If we do not shut up while at attention, we will get smoked by the drill sergeant."
Downrange, noun: A popular term for Basic Training because it is the popular location for getting shot at. Common usage: "You won't get away with that downrange!"
FTC, noun: Fitness Training Camp, most commonly referred to as "fat camp." Fat Camp is reserved for recruits who did not pass their PT test. Common usage: "FTC over here, now! Move your fat asses!"
Shark Attack, phrase: The event that occurs when multiple drill sergeants swarm around one person.
Anyway, I leave for Basic tomorrow, so my next "dispatch" should be from downrange.
Night/Bed time is usually my time to journal. So, at about the time my body wants to sleep, my mind relaxes enough to reflect on prior events. For example, here is a glossary of terms I've learned since I've been here:
PT, proper noun: Physical Training. i.e. push-ups, sit-ups, running, etc.
Smoked, verb: The state of being so physically exhausted from doing PT that your body "smokes" with steam. Common usage: "If we do not shut up while at attention, we will get smoked by the drill sergeant."
Downrange, noun: A popular term for Basic Training because it is the popular location for getting shot at. Common usage: "You won't get away with that downrange!"
FTC, noun: Fitness Training Camp, most commonly referred to as "fat camp." Fat Camp is reserved for recruits who did not pass their PT test. Common usage: "FTC over here, now! Move your fat asses!"
Shark Attack, phrase: The event that occurs when multiple drill sergeants swarm around one person.
Anyway, I leave for Basic tomorrow, so my next "dispatch" should be from downrange.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Personal Note to T and J
Ben included this personal note along with the letter of the previous post:
T & J,
Hello from Missouri! Boot camp still hasn't started yet, damn it, but I'm having a good time in the process. I trust all is well and probably the same in SD. Let me know if it's not. And, well, let me know if it is, too.
I think I'll be able to access my email during Basic. However, I'll only be able to access my Army email address. I probably won't be able to check it for three weeks or so, but it would be nice to hear from you both.
On a more personal note: the days here are pretty long and boring, so I have a lot of time to think. It was weird having so much anxiety about this and now all of that is gone. SO, I'm in pretty good shape (except physically, for now) and I thank you for your prayers.
Life has become so much more simpler for me here. There is no drama. Drama is illegal here. I have one locker and four changes of clothes to take care of. That's it. It is a welcomed, temporary, situation.
I hope all is well T. Lights out in 5.
Benjamin
T & J,
Hello from Missouri! Boot camp still hasn't started yet, damn it, but I'm having a good time in the process. I trust all is well and probably the same in SD. Let me know if it's not. And, well, let me know if it is, too.
I think I'll be able to access my email during Basic. However, I'll only be able to access my Army email address. I probably won't be able to check it for three weeks or so, but it would be nice to hear from you both.
On a more personal note: the days here are pretty long and boring, so I have a lot of time to think. It was weird having so much anxiety about this and now all of that is gone. SO, I'm in pretty good shape (except physically, for now) and I thank you for your prayers.
Life has become so much more simpler for me here. There is no drama. Drama is illegal here. I have one locker and four changes of clothes to take care of. That's it. It is a welcomed, temporary, situation.
I hope all is well T. Lights out in 5.
Benjamin
Thursday, March 23rd
Today is Thursday, March 23rd. I arrived at Ft. Leonard Wood yesterday at 2100 (that’s 9:00pm). I left San Diego at 4:30 am, so yesterday was quite long.
I flew into the St. Louis airport and went to the USO office. These offices are pretty much military only lounges, but we met there with about 50 other recruits (there were 4 of us from San Diego). After 3 hrs on a bus, we arrived at Ft. “Lost in the woods”, Misery.
Yesterday night we stayed up until well past midnight trying to get a jump on our processing. (Right now, I’m not actually in boot camp. I’m in “reception”, which is the processing portion before boot camp that lasts 5 – 7 days.) We handed over our orders, were briefed on contraband, had a “shakedown” of all of our luggage, issued PT uniforms (sweats, shirts, cool ARMY t-shirts, etc.), issued bedding, laundry bags, lockers, locks, bunks, and finally were briefed on tomorrow’s (today’s) events.
More recruits kept arriving throughout the night, so “lights out” after our briefing lasted about 30 minutes so more recruits could find a way to their beds. Three more busloads arrived between our lights out and wake up call at 3:30am. I’d say I got two hours of total sleep last night. Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy.
Today, however, was a different day. The day was again long, but much more fun. Wake up was at 3:30 and all 200 of us were in formation outside at 4:00. By 4:30, two people had passed out and one poor fellow puked 10 ft from the drill sergeant! We were being briefed inside an auditorium at the time on all of our responsibilities while at reception. I guess the kid just couldn’t hold it in.
Later on this morning another kid passed out for a good five minutes because he saw his blood during a blood draw. They’re dropping like flies already, and it’s not even boot camp yet! Oh, and three more dropped out because of previously undisclosed medical conditions, one of which was an apparent allergy to metal. (?)
For the rest of us though, it’s pretty much a game. Throughout most of the day today we were issued over $1,000 worth of uniforms and equipment. BDU’s, utility belts, canteens, cold and warm weather boots, customized patches for our uniforms, etc. It was like Christmas celebrating the birth of testosterone.
I’m not sure how I feel about this place yet. Some of the higher ranks are real jerks. Today, one PFC (private first class) threatened to put us in formation outside in the cold if we didn’t stand heel-to-toe (literally). A soon-to-be PFC in our group of recruits grumbled about how he will soon have the same rank as him after boot camp. The other guys enjoyed that. I kind of just smiled, because I knew I would out rank them both.
For some reason, I am more comfortable keeping my future rank a secret. I have yet to meet another E-4 recruit in our entire company, and many of our processing personnel are E-4’s also. It’s just weird.
Anyway, lights out in 5 minutes. I should get a good 4 hrs of sleep tonight@ BTW, the food is actually quite good.
Benjamin
I flew into the St. Louis airport and went to the USO office. These offices are pretty much military only lounges, but we met there with about 50 other recruits (there were 4 of us from San Diego). After 3 hrs on a bus, we arrived at Ft. “Lost in the woods”, Misery.
Yesterday night we stayed up until well past midnight trying to get a jump on our processing. (Right now, I’m not actually in boot camp. I’m in “reception”, which is the processing portion before boot camp that lasts 5 – 7 days.) We handed over our orders, were briefed on contraband, had a “shakedown” of all of our luggage, issued PT uniforms (sweats, shirts, cool ARMY t-shirts, etc.), issued bedding, laundry bags, lockers, locks, bunks, and finally were briefed on tomorrow’s (today’s) events.
More recruits kept arriving throughout the night, so “lights out” after our briefing lasted about 30 minutes so more recruits could find a way to their beds. Three more busloads arrived between our lights out and wake up call at 3:30am. I’d say I got two hours of total sleep last night. Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy.
Today, however, was a different day. The day was again long, but much more fun. Wake up was at 3:30 and all 200 of us were in formation outside at 4:00. By 4:30, two people had passed out and one poor fellow puked 10 ft from the drill sergeant! We were being briefed inside an auditorium at the time on all of our responsibilities while at reception. I guess the kid just couldn’t hold it in.
Later on this morning another kid passed out for a good five minutes because he saw his blood during a blood draw. They’re dropping like flies already, and it’s not even boot camp yet! Oh, and three more dropped out because of previously undisclosed medical conditions, one of which was an apparent allergy to metal. (?)
For the rest of us though, it’s pretty much a game. Throughout most of the day today we were issued over $1,000 worth of uniforms and equipment. BDU’s, utility belts, canteens, cold and warm weather boots, customized patches for our uniforms, etc. It was like Christmas celebrating the birth of testosterone.
I’m not sure how I feel about this place yet. Some of the higher ranks are real jerks. Today, one PFC (private first class) threatened to put us in formation outside in the cold if we didn’t stand heel-to-toe (literally). A soon-to-be PFC in our group of recruits grumbled about how he will soon have the same rank as him after boot camp. The other guys enjoyed that. I kind of just smiled, because I knew I would out rank them both.
For some reason, I am more comfortable keeping my future rank a secret. I have yet to meet another E-4 recruit in our entire company, and many of our processing personnel are E-4’s also. It’s just weird.
Anyway, lights out in 5 minutes. I should get a good 4 hrs of sleep tonight@ BTW, the food is actually quite good.
Benjamin
Ben's Boot Camp Blog
Hi everyone,
As you know, Ben is currently in Army boot camp at Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. He has asked me post his letters here for all to read. He'll be able to check his email at some point during boot camp, so any comments you post will be automatically forwarded to his email.
Thanks,
Terrence
As you know, Ben is currently in Army boot camp at Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. He has asked me post his letters here for all to read. He'll be able to check his email at some point during boot camp, so any comments you post will be automatically forwarded to his email.
Thanks,
Terrence
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