Today was a discouraging day. Most days I try to stay busy and ignore the environment. It’s the only way I know how to avoid losing the hope I have of getting out of here. Truthfully, the only reason I haven’t quit yet is because I know the fastest way to get out of here is to graduate. That’s it.
There have been very few days when I can honestly say I learned something that will make me a better soldier. Sure, I’ll be happy and proud when I graduate. But most inmates probably feel the same way when they make parole.
Thus far, the only change in myself that I’ve noticed is that I’m more easily frustrated and frequently on edge. Not quite the boot camp I was hoping for.
Perhaps I’m taking this experience too personally. Why should I care how good or bad my life is here so long as I make it through? Why can’t I just shut my mouth, filter out everything said to me except orders, and be happy? Having a personality here really doesn’t help. Caring about how well we perform as a company only hurts because the majority of our company is made up of people who would otherwise fail at life. They don’t care about anything, even themselves. They would self-destruct, especially if mommy and daddy would let them. But they don’t, so now the Army has to provide.
Seriously, people come here expecting that the Army owes them for “the selfless service of serving our country.” Spoiled brats. *sigh*
Anyways, I’m just taking my stress out on them. Simply put, I just hate this place, and my hatred grows deeper every day. I’ve been through seven weeks of basic training and I would throw it all away for a weekend back in California. AWOL? What sane person hasn’t seriously considered it? It’s the insane ones who actually do it though. Back to mommy and daddy.
Anyways, enjoyable reading, eh? I want to thank everyone for their letters: Mom & Dad, Jamie, Tracy, Charles and Tonya, Terrence and Jesica, Matt and Courtney. Thanks for your support and encouragement.
Benjamin
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